Funny vegetarian jokes for everyone who loves the meat-free life. Clean, silly and endlessly shareable, this collection celebrates veggies, tofu and plant-based living with warmth and a wink. Perfect for vegetarians, vegans and the friends who love them.
9 out of 10 cannibals agree - vegetarians taste better!
Being a vegetarian between meals is like being a pacifist between wars.
Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult. It’s the wurst.
Being a vegetarian or vegan can be a huge missed steak for your breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Did you hear about the vegetarian that died?Answer: That was a great turnip at his funeral.
Did you hear about the vegetarian who didn't want kids?Answer: He got the parsnip.
Did you know that cows are vegetarians so that you don't have to be?
Do you know what Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother is called?Answer: Brocco Lee.
Do you serve vegetarians here?
Of course, how would you like them cooked?
Do you serve vegetarians here?Answer: Of course, how would you like them cooked?
Doesn't it seem ironic that Madonna actually sang, "Like a Virgin"?
That's like a vegetarian who scarfs hamburgers...
How did the vegetarian quit smoking?Answer: He went cold tofu.
How do vegetarians cheat on their partners?Answer: They Meat.
How do you kill a vegetarian vampire?Answer: With a steak to the heart.
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a huge missed steak.
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
I follow a strict vegetarian diet. I eat only vegetarians.
I had to quit my vegetarian diet. Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
I like making jokes about vegetarians… but never about tofu, that’s just tasteless.
I went to this vegetarian BBQ party. They smoked weed.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the hell do u think a humanitarian eats?
If two vegetarians have a heated argument, can it still be called “beef”?Answer: Nah, it’s just a case of two people who have bad “tempehs.”
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If you only eat meat, you're a carnivore, If you only eat plants you're a vegetarian, If you eat both you're an omnivore, but if you eat humans you're a cannibal and are asked to leave the morgue.
It's not easy becoming a vegetarian.
I mean, I'm so hungry right now I could eat a horseradish.
I’m trying to go vegetarian, but I still sneak away for an occasional burger
Sometimes you need a little meat time..
My friend really changed once she decided to be a vegetarian It's like I've never known herbivore.
Save a cow, eat a vegetarian!
What crackers do vegetarians refuse to eat?Answer: Animal crackers.
What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?Answer: We have to stop meating like this.
What did one vegetarian spy say to the other vegetarian spy?Answer: We have to stop meating like this.
What did the epileptic vegetarian always have for dinner?Answer: Seizure salad...
What did the vegetarian priest say at church?Answer: Lettuce pray.
What do vegetarians call an occasion for burping?Answer: A Tupperware party!
What do vegetarians fear the most?Answer: Nutritionists with facts.
What do you call a vegetarian post-punk band?Answer: Soy Division
What do you call a vegetarian that eats seafood?Answer: An omnivore
What do you call a vegetarian trans-man?Answer: A herbefore
What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?Answer: Someone who lost his/her veg-inity!
What do you call a vegetarian's formal speech about pungent bulbs?Answer: A state of the onion address.
What does a vegetarian vampire eat?Answer: Vegetables
What does Cher say to a vegetarian?Answer: I Got Tofu babe.
What is the Native American word for vegetarian?Answer: Poor hunter!
What is the turkey thankful for this Thanksgiving?Answer: Vegetarians
What prompted the last massive veggie protest?Answer: Privileged information was leeked.
What's it called when a vegetarian starts eating meat again?Answer: Losing your veginity.
What's the difference between a vegetarian and a carnivore?Answer: Nothing they both eat non-human animal products.
When a vegetarian decides to eat pork or beef, then he will lose his ve-ginity.
When my wife changed religions she wanted me to be a vegetarian for health reasons. I started eating more fruits and vegetables religiously complemented with soy products such as tofu and veggie burgers. When I read the veggie burger package I was impressed by the multitude of mystery ingredients needed to make the veggie burger taste good. I said, “Wow if the soy doesn’t kill me the byproducts I buy will.”
Which car brands do a vegetarian from German drive?Answer: It must be a Volks-vegan.
Which vegetarian dish is made from a few spuds of similar shape and color?Answer: Matched Potatoes.
Why did the squirrel blush after making vegetable soup?Answer: It needed a leek.
Why did the vegetarian go to the market?Answer: Because he/she was hungry!
Why do vegetarians like parallel lines?Answer: Because they don’t meat
Why shouldn’t you become a vegetarian?Answer: It’s a missed steak.
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